Friday, December 31, 2010

Welcome, 2012

Sometimes my reflection needs a stern talking to. Hello, it's a brand new day. Today you can start right over. Forget old obligations, you can throw away all your old hopes, too. Why are you still wishing on that same old star? That was somebody else's star. You're brand new today! Dream a new dream!

$#!± happens! Embrace it!

I cringe when I hear friends saying "2010 sucked".
Look at the bright side of things. Make the best of everything and be thankful for what you have. If things go wrong, learn from it, and be grateful for the lesson. If things don't go as planned, remember, its for a reason.

I've seen so many lists of resolutions and ideas for the new year, so I've taken some and made a few of my own. A lot of them seem like common sense, but sometimes we could all use the gentle reminder.

Rules for 2011

1. If you have a significant other in your life, treat them as you want to be treated and never forget to show love and appreciation.

2. It's okay to admit that you're young, fab and NOT broke. Celebrate your success.

3. Don't waste time crying over little boys and girls who don't appreciate you for who you are and hinder you from being who you want to be.

4. It's okay to be 22 or even 32 or 42 and not know what you want to be when you grow up.

5. Many people will try to judge your spending and life style habits, don't let it get to you. It's your life, your money and no one else's business.

6. No matter how old you are by number, never forget what it feels like to be young and alive.

7. People are always going to talk, so just do your thing. You may as well give them something to talk about.

8. Don't keep company with those who constantly compare themselves to you. Keep company with those who love you for you and enhance your life.

9. Ladies, if you can't find your prince, there is nothing wrong with enjoying kissing all the wrong frogs.

10. Live your life for you: not your parents, not a man, not your friends. It is the only way you will ever truly be happy.

11. You're never too old to learn something new

12. In your life you will wind up with a select few friends who are more like your soul mates. Cherish them, they'll be the ones around when the party is over.

13. You're going to make mistakes: the wrong career, the wrong major, the wrong boyfriend. Everything happens for a reason- You'll learn something, recover and come back better than ever.

14. Plan for tomorrow but enjoy today

15. Live each day with no regrets. Don't fret over the past, even the bad parts shape us for the future.

Have a very Happy New Year. Make good decisions tonight, and have a safe ride home!

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Music Is What Feelings Sound Like

I'm always amazed when I find new music that I fall in love with instantly. It's like a magical discovery when I come across music that speaks to me; through the lyrics or the piano or both.

Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul

I wonder how many more combinations of notes and lyrics can be put together to form emotion and story. Isn't that the greatest thing about music? It's never over and it's always changing and it's wonderful.

Another amazing mix by DJ Earworm- United State of Pop 2010, with the top 25 hits from 2010

Monday, December 27, 2010

The Wool From The Black Sheep Is Just As Warm

 I don't think I have ever seen the movie "The Sound Of Music" from start to finish. Although, I have seen so many pieces of it so many times that I do believe I have seen the whole movie at some point.

I watched the end of it yesterday and when I learned that it was a true story I immediately hopped on to google to research more. I love these discoveries when something magical I enjoy on television turns out to be true. Or at least adapted from something that was true-- good enough.

I love the part where the eldest girl, Leisl asks Maria what to do when she is heartbroken. The advice Maria gives is perfect because it is exactly how I feel, and exactly what I would want to say to my children... except in a less melodic way, minus the song and dance.

"What do you do when you stop loving someone, or he stops loving you?

"Well, you cry a little. Then you wait for the sun to come out. It always does."

Entertainment News
  • Natalie Portman is pregnant and engaged!
  • Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz come out in public as a new couple
  • Alanis Morissette had a baby boy on Christmas
  • Hugh Hefner engaged to his 24 year old girlfriend, Crystal Harris.
  • Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes are engaged
  • Elton John had a baby boy via a surrogate... and he has a normal name! Zachary!

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Don't Give Me Ideas, Give Me Implementations

While writing thoughts and ideas out on napkins in a coffee shop sounds romantic, with the constantly advancing technology, its no longer realistic when you can type thoughts into your smartphones.

If I had time traveled and been dropped into 2010 I would be confused about why people walk down the street and look like they are talking to themselves. Bluetooth.

Why peruse through catalogs and stroll down main street window shopping... When you can go online and it will be shipped to your house within 2-5 business days?

You can even hire people to do your grocery shopping and deliver it to your door.

Maybe that's why society is lonelier than ever. Society now compared to years ago does not have as many family gatherings and we don't have as many friends. BUT we do have technology and online communities. Life is made available without having to leave your couch/computer chair.

Things are simpler, and easier, and convenient.

Good? Bad? Your thoughts?

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Santa Claus Is Coming To... Get You

Parents dread the day they have to have "that conversation" with their kids. You know the one. About Santa Claus.

With kids getting better with technology and being attached to high speed internet soon after being detached from the umbilical cord, I wonder how they still don't find evidence of Santa's non-existence. I wonder if this belief in Santa will ever be something that dies out.

My brother never believed in Santa. I guess I gave my parents a hard enough time when I learned the truth that they decided they didn't want to go through the same guilt with my brother. I don't think it made a difference in his upbringing. I know that going to see Santa to sit on his lap to tell him what you want for Christmas can be a magical experience-- that or a terrifying one, depending on the child. He knew the story, but he always knew it was just a story. He knew that it was something special for other children to believe in and he knew not to say anything- he was a smart boy, believe me... He was reading at 2 years old. How did he learn? On his own with Sesame Street computer software. I'm not kidding, kids these days are hooked to their computers younger and younger.

I read yesterday that children ages 8 to 18 spend more time in front of video screens than any other activity except sleeping... An average 44.5 hours every week.

Anyway, about Santa... How do you go about it with your children? Do you think it will ever fade out? I'm not sure what to think of it, but here are the facts I have come up with while considering your decision.

My letter to Future parents:
At some point as a child you start to question, why are there all these magical characters associated with holidays and significant life events, and why do my parents break the rules of letting these strangers into my life and house to give items that otherwise wouldn't be accepted from other strangers.

The toothfairy comes into your bedroom while you're sleeping and goes into your bed to put a gift under your pillow in exchange for your tooth. Well that's creepy. Realistically, why not meet her half way in the same format as a bottle depot? Go to the tooth depot, give the tooth, get a quarter (or whatever). Take out the equation of some stranger entering your bedroom at night.

The Easter Bunny. Another stranger our parents allow to come into our homes and hide candy for us. Accepting candy from strangers was a big one on the list of no-no's in my family. But we ignore this to celebrate Jesus' rising, and selfishly lay our hands on all the chocolate we can get.

Aaaaand Santa. He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake. I've never felt more violated. Intruders in my house while I'm sleeping is one of my biggest fears, but somehow society tells us as children that we can accept this because this kind stranger who spies on us will leave us presents. Think of all the privacies and rights and privileges society might give up in exchange for presents!!! It starts young, with Santa!

Don't even get me started with ethical problems of Halloween.
-not that I would ever discourage Halloween. Dressing up and Trick-or-treating is awesome! But you see my point?

Monday, December 20, 2010

Bring Your Face Over Here So I Can Rub This In It

I've broken my parents- this is what I am told

I only know the experience of being the oldest child, so I cannot speak of "middle child syndrome" or what its like to be the youngest. I was an only child for six years before my brother was born. Other than that I have a lot of cousins- all of them being male on my mom's side, so on holiday gatherings I am often singled out for being a girl... But that's a different story.

Since I returned to Edmonton for the holidays, I've been told that I've broken in my parents. I've paved the road of discipline for all of those who follow in my path-- namely, my brother.

It's not fair, and there is no solution.

Would I have to be the one spending evenings fighting for my right to stay up an hour past bedtime to watch the good tv shows so I wouldn't be left out of conversation at school... And he can stay up until he wants and watch anything he desires? Of course.

Would I be the one staying home like a loser during weekend school ski trips because my parents wouldn't allow me to go... But he has permission for any school trip, as well as permission to fly across the country for a band trip to Toronto? Well, sure, why not!

There should be monuments erected for the big brothers and sisters who break down the protective walls of our parents. We should be honored and appreciated for the wars we fought, for our bravery, and our sacrifice.

Perhaps can we conclude that in the end we are the ones who are better off? Did we grow stronger than those whose parents allowed them to do as they pleased?

I used to ask my Mother why I was the only kid that was still sitting in a car seat looooong after my friends had outgrown theirs.

"Because I love you more than their parents love them"

So, to the younger generation, I say to you:


Sunday, December 19, 2010

Wake Me Up When Its Over

In the words of Ron Burgundy: "I am completely miserable, San Diego"

Eyes rolling into the back of my head
Lashes fluttering, eyelids too heavy to hold.
In and out of dreams for 18 out of the 24 hours in a day
Nothing but pain and percocet and blood consuming my thoughts.
A sore throat from where tubes used to be.
I wonder where my cheekbones have gone. And my appetite. And my ability to stand up for at least 5 minutes on my own

This is a sad way to spend time, for such a multitasker like myself.
God bless my mother for being at my side when I need her, and running to my aid when I faint in the shower. She cuts my pills in half and puts on my favorite shows and movies, even though I don't last more than 10 minutes into them.

Day 19
Dear Percocet,

I hate your stinking guts; you make me vomit. You're scuuuum between my toes. Love, Alfalfa.

I mean,

Love Marley

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Applaud Me and I'll Applaud You Back

"In the words of John Lennon... You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not."
"...the only one?"

Facebook, twitter, social media sites in general: they tell you "join the conversation!" -- leading you to believe that if you're not in on it, you're missing out.

But the whole thing is that it's not at true conversation, it's a performance. It's a conversation between two people in front of many. The internet has become a stage for the narcissists and the dreamers. Don't be offended-- we all dream. It's a personal performance by every individual to promote their personality, and in some cases, their businesses and beliefs. We post pictures to show how awesome we are and we update statuses to convince the world that we're worth spending a few seconds every day to be read about. Don't think I'm trying to tell you to change your habits. There's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with being active on social media and expressing your thoughts, nor embracing who you actually are.

Do you ever meet those people that have completely different personalities online than they do in person? It's so easy to be someone else when there is a screen in front of them. Think of all the things we're screening ourselves from. Somehow there's always a small layer between us and the real world. Online, in cars, over text messages...

"We lie to our friends over facebook and we tell the truth to strangers over twitter". Social media helps us to promote ourselves to people we may not normally have the opportunity to be in contact with. But in one way or another, it can help us to behave as someone we are not, but who we want to appear to be.

I'm not trying to write this as though I know the answers to everything. I'm not trying to sound conceited or off my rocker-- just sharing a theory. It's a possibility in online behavior, which is why I try to keep this blog open, honest and real. That being said, this isn't the first draft of this blog.

That being said, cue standing ovation now.

*that's a joke...*

That being said... Cue laughter now.

Monday, November 29, 2010

The World Has Grown Suspicious of Anything That Looks Like A Happily Married Life

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Why do we get married? And why do we have children?

Is it because we grow up believing that that's just what we're supposed to do?

Marriage has changed so much over the centuries. Women have the choice to keep their maiden names. Some couples don't have a wedding, but consider themselves common-law and still have the same rights as married couples. Couples live together and have children without being married. These things would not have been accepted long ago.

On television and movies, marriage is shown as bittersweet. Maybe even more bitter than sweet. In the movies the main characters tell us: "Everything changes after marriage. Don't get married. Don't have kids".

If we want to have children because we have love to give... why not adoption? There is a sad amount of children without love and shelter. But selfishly, it's exciting to have little clones of ourselves running around the world, right?

I'm all for marriage and children and look forward to it one day, but these are some questions that have come up in my debate class, and conversations with my engaged/married friends. I'd love to hear your opinions in the comments box below.

For now, here's a sign that was in an engagement ring store men's bathroom.

More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.

Friday, November 26, 2010

As Long As I'm Living...

"Don't hassle me with your sighs, Chuck"
"Duck! Here comes another day!"
"Kiss her, you blockhead."
...Charles Schulz taught people how to live
-Joey Comeau

Every holiday I look forward to him and his morose personality to warm up my spirits. I've always thought the creator, Charles Shulz was wonderful.

Today would have been his 88th birthday.

I read an article about him comparing himself to his character. Not only did they have the same name, but many other similarities as well.

Charles Shulz also had a little red-haired girl in his life, who he dated for three years. When he asked her to marry him, she refused and ended up marrying another man a few months later.

waaaa waaaaaaaa

Lucy, the nagging female character Charlie Brown is bossed around by, was inspired by both his mother and his first wife.

And the sweetest, and also saddest thing of all:
Charlie Brown and Charles Shulz died within two hours of each other. Charles Shulz was sick and retired in 1999, and decided to request that no more of the comics were published after his death. He produced enough Sunday strips to last a few more months, and on February 12, 2000, he passed away-- two hours before the final Peanuts strip was printed.

I also learned about another writer that I love, Robert Munsch. Did you know, he almost flunked elementary school? He also studied for 7 years to become a priest... and then he changed his mind.

Do you know the book, Love You Forever?
I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be.
It's one of the all-time best selling books, and it definitely has a special place in my heart and in my family. What I learned to day which touched me deeply was that he wrote it after he and his wife had delivered two stillborn babies within a few years of each other. Eventually they adopted children, but after this tragedy, he was inspired to write this book.

I was also surprised to learn that he admitted earlier this year to being a recovering cocaine addict and an alcoholic, as well as obsessive-compulsive and manic-depressive.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


Do you ever have those days where you could care less if you ever had to communicate with anyone in the world for the rest of your life? Maybe you even think that you will start to avoid other people at all costs. They don't understand you and they don't appreciate you or what you stand for or how you feel. Sometimes I feel like it is a pattern. Something will go wrong and I will have flashbacks of being left out/bullied/teased on the school yard in Elementary school

When I feel this way, it doesn't last long. It either takes a good long nap, a conversation with mom, or a trip to the Disney store. And I don't mean retail therapy. There is a 60-year old man who has been working at the disney store for 16 years and absolutely loves what he does. It's like a playdate every time I see him. He doesn't remember our last meeting, but he takes me all over the store like an excited child at christmas, showing me the new toys. He knows all of the character names, all of the movies and all of the trivia behind them-- which is something we have in common, as I am a self-proclaimed Disney expert. He inspires me because he absolutely loves his job and sharing his joy with others. Which in turn, reminds me that I do not actually want to shut myself out from people for the rest of my life, and I hope to find something in my life that I want to share with the rest of the world just like this man.

As much as other people have the power to crush you down, they also have the power to inspire you. And ultimately, how you feel is up to you.

Every time you step outside you're dealing with life and you're trying to stay sane, for a lack of better words. Balance, to me, is the key; not getting too high, not getting too low - It's like life's tutorial on how to actually make it through life without becoming insane and driving yourself to a life full of hatred and just not wanting to be here.

Song of the day, that sends this same message: Don't get too high off praises, and don't get too low from opinions. The music video makes me wish I could dance. Which I possibly could do, if I applied myself. However, if it’s not just me alone and in front of the mirror… I’m very incapable.

Friday, November 19, 2010

What's Love Got To Do With It

Have you ever wanted something very badly and then gotten it? Then you know that winning is many things, but it is never the thing you thought it would be. Poor people who win the lottery do not become rich people. They become poor people who won the lottery.

Couples meet, they fall in love, they make a commitment, move in together and (maybe) get married...
Then what? Over half break up! Obviously, LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH to sustain a relationship.

5:1 Ratio:
Research shows that couples are significantly more likely to stay together if they have a ratio of five positive interactions for every one negative interaction. Apparently this ratio is 80% accurate in predicting divorce, so make sure every time you annoy your significant other, you give him/her five hugs and kisses in return. For every negative remark or comment, there are five positive ones. This develops a "reservoir of positive feelings" meaning that we "bank" these positive feelings and they counteract negativity that is inevitably in all relationships.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

No One Belongs Here More Than You

They wordlessly excused each other for not loving each other as much as they had planned to. There were empty rooms in the house where they had meant to put their love, and they worked together to fill these rooms with midcentury modern furniture.

I have started writing my book.
I am finding it interesting, the process of putting an idea I dreamed up on to paper. Lots of paper.
There are people in my life that are influencing the ideas of my book and the characters in them. Some of them are people I haven't talked to for years, or some of them are people I talk to every day. Some are best friends and some are practically strangers. I don't think these people will ever know.

Question to ponder:
How do you measure and organize your time? Do you organize your time and schedule things or just hope everything on your to-do list will fall into place?

I've been measuring my time in songs:

It takes me 1 song to blowdry my hair. 2-3 songs for my makeup. 5-6 songs to walk to school. Although, it all depends on the songs :) The new Kings of Leon album has been on repeat on my ipod lately.

Sometimes people will ask me how I make time for everything that I do, and I'm not sure how to answer that question. I don't have a magic answer. It's not effortless but it's not difficult. I have the same amount of hours in the day as everyone else. I make to-do lists, I prioritize, and just do.

Every morning I write my to-do list in an application on my phone (Lister) and put down general times that they will get done. I've found that if I hope for everything to fall into place, people want your time and the to-do list remains untouched. Make your tasks as non-negotiable as any other important thing in your life. And "EAT THAT FROG" -Brian Tracy

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


I love rainy days...
But only when they are days that I don't have to go outside, and I can listen to the rain on my window from my warm bed.

Today I wish that I was in high school and could call in sick. As you get older its harder to not care about what you're missing out on.

My head has been hurting and it feels like the burning sensation one gets from heartburn- but in my head don't know any other way to describe it. Tylenol doesn't do it for me. I need a brain massage.

Does anyone know what this could be? Do you think its the rain? I've always wanted the ability for my body to predict weather.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Rumbly in my Tumbly.

“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh," he whispered.

"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw, "I just wanted to be sure of you."”

My dream has always been to make magic in any way possible. Creatively, scientifically, or interpersonally... Then I saw this and thought:

That's it. I'm moving to Orlando Florida.

I have never felt so full of nostalgia in my life.

Monday, November 15, 2010


You know how when you ask certain people their age, they answer "twenty" but you hear "twenty-"? How you dangle after the imagined dash, waiting for that extra digit they never add?

I haven't got a solution. I mean, sure the twenty year-olds will all become twenty-one, but the nineteen year-olds will replace them.


Saturday, November 13, 2010

Nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Leave the house before you find something worth staying in for

Once upon a time there was a bear and a bee who lived in a wood and were the best of friends. All summer long the bee collected nectar from morning to night while the bear lay on his back basking in the long grass.

When winter came the bear realized he had nothing to eat and thought to himself "I hope that busy little bee will share some of his honey with me". But the bee was nowhere to be found - he had died of a stress induced coronary disease

"People think I'm a rabbit. Because they think I run around and I'm unorganized.
But wait until the end of life, and you see if I am a turtle"

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Daylight Savings: The Extra Hour I Have Will Be Spent Learning How To Change My Clocks

I always think that if I had a superpower, it would be the power to stop time. I could stop time and do anything I wanted while the rest of the world was frozen.

Just think of all the things you could do! You would always be able to get 10 hours of sleep. You could stop time in the middle of tests or conversations so you can find the right answers. You'd always be on time for trains, flights, meetings, and you'd never have to worry about getting stuck in traffic.

And that's just the beginning!

But the one problem with this is that you would continue to age while the rest of the world is frozen. You're adding extra time, maybe even extra years to your life by all the time spend in pause. But perhaps with this extra time we would take better care of ourselves, with extra rest, exercise, and better eating? We can only hope.

Friday, November 5, 2010

You're Not Going To Find Cherries When Digging For Potatoes.

If you expect relationships to always be 50/50... Expect to be disappointed. This is not to say that its okay if your needs are continuously not being met. In the end, it should even out. But by being there for your loved ones sometimes it requires you to put in 90, and maybe you don't always get 10 back. But you know that if there's ever times that you need 90 but you can't put in the 10- they'll be there for you. Life happens.

A friend of mine once told me that you shouldn't expect someone to complete you. I'm on the fence about this one because, I agree that you need to be whole without your partner, but you're always feeling at your best when you're with them. He says that you should be 100% with or without them, and together you make up 200%. You complement and make each other better. I agree.

Sometimes I think about what my life would be like if I hadn't moved across the country and away from home when I was 18.

I could be still living under the cocoon of my parents- but I mean this in a good way. I miss parents, and my house. I'd probably have a new car... Because my little sunfire was starting to crap out on me. And I'd probably be in the wrong relationship with the wrong guy. I have learned so much from past relationships, from other's mistakes, from books, and from mentors. Its refreshing to know that: "What I know today is nothing compared to what I will know tomorrow."

Thursday, November 4, 2010

I Am Not High Maintenance

I used to wonder if my amount of daydreaming affects my sleep at night. Most people can't remember their dreams at night when they are asleep, but they can always remember their dreams during the day when they are awake. If you have recurring dreams when you are asleep at night it is said that your subconscious is trying to tell you something, or perhaps something may be wrong. If you have recurring dreams when you are awake during the day, it is a wonderful thing because you're setting out goals and daydreaming emits positive energies for your life.

I will never stop day dreaming. The amount of time I spend day dreaming never increases or decreases, just the topics and the ideas my head conjures up changes.

I'm good at keeping people awake. Not always in a way they enjoy. I get so chatty right before bedtime. This was a habit as a child as well. I'd instigate long intelligent debates and conversations. I've had the light turned off and the door closed on me more than once. What does this mean? I love to sleep, but getting there is a battle.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Every Marriage That Doesn't End In Divorce Ends In Death

Great news everyone...

The Canadian divorce rate is DOWN!

I bet you weren't expecting that to be my good news. You were probably expecting me to say "I changed my mind, I'm NOT quitting blogging!" after the overwhelming response from yesterday's blog.

...just kidding, there was no overwhelming response, just the two people that actually read this blog: Mom. And Dad.

JUST KIDDING my Mom and Dad don't read my blog. Well, they do, just not every day like some of my faithful readers... who yelled at me last night for the thought of cutting back on blogging.
But what about my New York Times Best Seller?!

Anyway, the Canadian divorce rate is down which means that us Canadians are doing something right. Perhaps from now on, when people get married they should move to Canada if they want a better chance at love. And then when they retire they can move back to the states. Florida, to be specific.

Now the statistic says that a third of all marriages in Canada end in divorce.

Then again, could this statistic also lead to the fact that a lot more people aren't actually doing the wedding dance? A lot of couples are satisfied with being common-law-- which makes sense with how freakin expensive weddings are.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

NY Times Best Seller!

I used to have a hammock chair in my bedroom when I was growing up. It hung from the ceiling, and I loved sitting in it. It was one of my most prized possessions and something I considered very special about my room. As it was only attached to the ceiling, sometimes it would fall, hitting me on the head on the way down. First the wooden frame, and then the metal hook.

Sometimes ideas hit me like this. Suddenly and unexpectedly. Sometimes one after another. The wooden frame, and then the metal hook. Yesterday, I thought of an idea for a book. I sat in my living room-- watching Teen Mom on mute, needing absolute silence to welcome this thought into my head. I have an idea for a book that I'd like to publish one day. And if it happens, its going to be a New York Times Best Seller, I promise you! Because of this, I am considering cutting back on my blogging... which I hate to say, especially since it has become a part of my daily life.

Friday, October 29, 2010

Smile, Breathe, and Go Slowly

Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not quite, the not yet, the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours

Today I met a wonderful doctor that I spent the afternoon shadowing. When he spoke it was like he was reading out of a philosophy book, but these were all his words. At one point he said to me:

"If you're willing to stand on your head, you can do anything."

I'm not sure if I really know what that means, but I'm willing to.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Self-Mutilating Circus We Have Painted Ourselves Clowns In

The word PRETTY is unworthy of everything you will be and no child of mine will be contained in 5 letters

It's no secret that society shapes today's youth in a number of twisted ways. Violence. Low self-esteem. The need to be glamorous and perfect. Now I'm starting to wonder about all the songs that have lyrics about money makers, throwin money up in the air, and "making it rain". Is pop culture teaching youth to care about wealth more than love? Just as the magazines teach us that we need to be pretty?

Here's what you do:
take a look around and pick out what reminds you of places you wanted to be but gave up on going, and jam it all into this big box called NOW. Then go across the street to Mama Genuines-- ask her how shes's been-- show her what I gave ya, she'll know exactly what you need. Then go back in to the center of that freeway and get to work, making it all fit. You wont have any directions or factory number tabs, but dont panic. There's a hundred ways to do it right and none to do it wrong cause you're startin out on whats already been given up upon. You can't do any worse!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Last night I attended a lecture by a celebrity psychic and medium, Chip Coffey from A&E shows: "Paranormal" and "Psychic Kids".

You always have to be a little skeptical and take everything they say with a grain of salt. But a lot of the time, I am always interested in their stories and what they have to say.

What's your theory on Deja Vu? His was that before you are born, your soul/spirit, sets out a plan. When you have those moments of deja vu- you've touched a point on that plan, or you're on the right track. Or common occurrences every day like seeing 11:11 on the clock-- he said that those odd moments tell you to stop and take a look around you. Figure out what the world is trying to tell you.

"You've got 2 eyes, 2 ears, and 1 mouth- which proves what you should be using twice as much"

Then he had time for questions and interaction with the audience. Some asked about lost loved ones and some asked for psychic readings. In the middle of this session he pointed to my boyfriend -who didn't even have his hand up, or was hoping to be picked. He said "I feel like I need to talk to you... Do you have any lost loved ones?" - Which he does not.
He asked me - I do not either.
Then he talked more to us and said that something regarding Halifax is going to come up in our lives- I have no idea what this may be because I have absolutely no relation to Halifax, nor does John.
Then Chip asked:
"Are you two married? No? You should be. Marry her."

And I can't say its bad advice!

Just kidding. I'm not getting married anytime soon, but thanks Chip.

Then we went to the Haunted Keg Mansion where he did a ghost investigation. He had the lights flickering on and off and some people said they felt like they were being touched or cold or had heavy pressure in their chest from the spirit's energy.

It was a very interesting experience. I'd love to hear if you have any paranormal encounters or experiences. If so, please message in the comments box below!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Actions Speak Louder Than Words: Use Your Lips To Speak To Your Sweetheart Instead Of Your Wallet

Why I encourage you to kiss thoroughly, at least three times daily:
  • Kissing stabilizes cardiovascular activity, decreases high blood pressure, and lowers cholesterol.
  • Kissing prevents cavities and plaque build-up by stimulating saliva production while preventing gingivitis through the calcium present in saliva.
  • Kissing stimulates over 30 facial muscles which smoothes out skin and increase blood circulation to the face.
  • Kissing burns 12 calories per five-second episode and three passionate kisses a day will help you lose one pound!
  • Kissing prevents the formation of the stress hormone glucocorticoids which causes high blood pressure, muscle weakening and insomnia.
  • Kissing does its part to vaccinate people from new germs. Saliva contains bacteria, 80% of them are common to all people with 20% unique to each person. By sharing saliva with a partner, you are stimulating your immune system to respond to the different bacteria you are being exposed to. The result is that your immune system creates certain anti-bodies to these new bacteria, which in effect vaccinates you against these germs. This process is called cross-immunotherapy.
  • Finally, you may not be surprised to know that kissing offers an express analysis of genetic compatibility. While you are kissing, your brain conducts instant chemical analysis of your partner's saliva and issues a "verdict" of your genetic compatibility. Think about it. Don't you know much more about what you like or don't like in a person after one kiss? And kissing is much more fun than taking a relationship inventory!
Oh, and kissing also cures hiccups!

--Pravda, the Russian News Service

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

If You Judge People You Have No Time To Love Them

You know life is no storybook. But admit it: Somewhere deep in your subconscious lurk romantic visions of Cinderella, or maybe Julia Roberts. The images may be sketchy and a little outdated, but you can still make out the silhouette of the bride and Prince Charming riding off into the sunset. In real life, sometimes your Disney fairy tale ends up feeling more like a Wes Craven horror flick — and you're the chick who keeps falling down and screaming for her life. I've been there. You want to believe your pure love for each other will pull you through. And it does. But it ain't always pretty. That may sound grim. But here's a secret: Sometimes it's the least romantic parts have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. 

Kim Kardashian was in Toronto last night, on a search for the "World's Best Couple"...

Now, I'm not really sure what this means, or what they're judging these couples on, but the winners of this competition win a 22 carat diamond ring at a "Best Couple" ceremony in Chicago.

What makes a couple, the best couple in the world? Their love for each other? Their compatibility?
I signed up for the contest just to see how it works and it looks like a popularity contest.

I'm not sure if I would actually put my relationship online in a worldwide contest like that (or at least in the qualifying countries: New Zealand, Australia, Canada and the USA). I could gush for hours about how much I love my boyfriend and how wonderful it is to really feel in love with someone I feel 100% compatible with and treats me better than I could even imagine... *ahem.
But I will save the drama for my mama. This blog only allows a certain amount of cheesy-ness, and personal information.

What do you think of the contest?
It's definitely an interesting advertising strategy for Michael Hill Jewelers. A contest primarily driven and targeted towards love hungry, diamond crazy, attention seeking females. If diamonds really are a girl's best friend, Michael Hill, you nailed it.

--Not that I'm bashing the contest, it's a smart idea. Congratulations to the very lucky couple that wins the diamond! ...sign a prenup.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Marley For President

The election in Edmonton and in Calgary is going on today, and I have been doing my research for the election in Toronto coming up next week.

I have never voted before, and I am looking forward to fulfilling my civic duty for the first time here in Toronto.

I have done my research, and met a few of the councillors for my ward. I have read all the standpoints for the mayoral candidates and I've chosen who I am most in agreement with.

I was very surprised to read that one of the candidates is in favor of a red light district. In Toronto?
...that seems controversial. Can somebody comment on this blog post and explain the pros and cons to having a red light's district in Toronto?

All this political talk reminds me of the time I was President in High School...

Sunday, October 17, 2010


Surprise parties are very overdone here in Ontario. I have never attended a legitimate surprise birthday party when I lived in Edmonton, but now it seems like every birthday party I am invited to in Toronto is a surprise party. It happens so much that I'm not sure how people aren't expecting and anticipating their own surprise parties.

My birthday is coming up and I've told everyone: do not throw me a party. But of course if they tell me they won't, I can't believe them. And if they tell me they are going to anyway, I can't believe them when they say that either. For the whole month of November I am going to feel paranoid every time I enter a room. I will enter my condo and search the place before I settle in. Behind the couch, in the cupboards, under the table... And then I will even check the back seat of the car before going anywhere-- this is good practice anytime, even when its not your birthday.

Saturday, October 16, 2010


I have been using the law of attraction all wrong.

Its kind of like how your toast always seems to fall face down, and birds tend to crap right in the middle of your windshield. There are other probabilities, but the least wanted one always seems to happen.

Sometimes I'll think of the things I'm afraid of, and wish so much that they WILL NOT happen, but then they do. And its my own fault because the universe answers your thoughts, even the negative ones.

So when I think
"Ohh I really hope I don't get sick for the weekend"- I get sick for the weekend
"Please please please don't let me get stuck with that teacher for my exam" - and then I do.

Reword your thoughts. Hope for the good things in a positive way.

But in other news, I had another photoshoot this morning and it was awesome.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I'll Be Out Of My Mind, And You'll Be Out Of Ideas Pretty Soon

How do they even know if swans or lobsters or penguins mate for life?

Is there someone in the world whose job is to keep track of these species and which ones are together and which ones are not? Like animal paparazzi, keeping tabs on their relationships at all times?

I would like to see scientific research supporting the evidence, because so far, google isn't doing it for me.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Call Me Julie Andrews

My boyfriend always teases me about how I declare everything to be my favorite. I say it often.
"That is my favorite fruit.
That is my favorite color.
That is my favorite past time."
 I say it a lot but I see nothing wrong with it. I LOVE pointing out my favorite things!

At the end of the day I always ask him: what was your favorite part of today. And I'm always excited to hear his answer. Sometimes its little things that I wouldn't expect. The dinner we had, or the funny joke I told on the way home. It's one of my favorite things that I do before going to sleep. Its nice to reflect on the day

This weekend I missed my family thanksgiving, as I am in Toronto and could not come back for the weekend. While going around the table saying what they were thankful for, my 6 year old cousin said:
"I am thankful that Jesus and Santa are friends."

And that was my favorite part of thanksgiving.

And this is my favorite video I watched today: Grover Spoofing the Old Spice Guy!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Humans Make Their Own Worlds In The Small Area In Front Of Their Face

Someone is getting excited. Somebody is somewhere shaking with excitement because something tremendous is about to happen to this person. This person has dressed for the occasion. This person has hoped and dreamed and now it is really happening and this person can hardly believe it. But believing is not an issue here, the time for faith and fantasy is over, it is really happening. It involves stepping forward and bowing. Possibly there is some kneeling, such as when one is knighted. One is almost never knighted. But this person may kneel and receive a tap on each shoulder with a sword. Or more likely this person will be in a car or a store or under a vinyl canopy when it happens. Or online or on the phone. It could be an email re: your knighthood. Or a long, laughing, rambling phone message in which every person this person has ever known is talking on a speaker phone and they are all saying: "You have passed the test, it was all just a test, real life is so much better than that". This person is laughing out loud with relief and playing the message back to get the address of the place where every person this person has ever known is waiting to hug this person and bring her into the fold of life. It is really exciting, and its not a dream, its real.

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I am very excited, happy, and proud to announce that today's post is my 300TH BLOG POST! And to top that, it also my 300th CONSECUTIVE blog post!

I did not start out thinking I would write every day, but out of the desire to practice my writing and creative skills I continued. I did not expect to have this many hits on the site, nor have so many readers- friends and strangers, and strangers who became friends. I never did it for anyone. I did the blog for me, and I am very pleased with the amount of people along the way who have found it interesting, amusing, or inspiring. I am honored to entertain you and be a part of your lives and reading material.


Thursday, October 7, 2010

All Of Us Are Born With A Set Of Instinctive Fears - Of Falling, Of The Dark, Of Lobsters, Of Falling On Lobsters In The Dark...

"What if it isn't me?"
"Then we have a lobster problem"

Have you ever heard that myth that lobsters have only one love and that they mate for life? I think I've heard the same for penguins, but then I also heard something about some penguins that have the same role as prostitutes, so I'm not sure what to believe anymore. I also tried to google it, and all I found were recipes and restaurants.

Do you believe that there is one person for everyone?
Do you believe that everyone has a soul mate and when they meet they'll just know?

But what if the person you think is the one, is unavailable? Do you wait for them because you're certain they're perfect for you? What if they're not? And what if that day never comes?

I think a really important thing that individuals should determine in a relationship is:
Are you in love with the person?
Are you in love with what the person has to offer?
Are you in love with just the feeling of being in love?

We cannot ignore the blatant statistics and rampant unhappiness around us. These things undoubtedly point to the fact that we suck at attempting to find who we want to spend the rest of our lives with

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The Measure Of Life Is Not Its Duration, But Its Donation

We all have 100% to deal with in our lives: 10% is important, 90% unimportant. The secret to a happy, productive life is to deal with the 10% and let the 90% slip

I am feeling productive lately. In addition to waking up every day at the break of dawn to exercise...
I am working at the University of Toronto. It feels like I'm living in an episode of Grey's Anatomy. There's bitching and complaining about others, and I'm fighting for surgeries.

I also got my Ontario driver's license and became an organ donor today.
I've always thought that it makes sense to give to others when they need it, especially when it comes to blood and organ donations. Why not?! It's not like I'm going to be using it after I've expired. Although I have always felt like this, for some reason I felt nervous while signing those papers. What a crazy thing to think about... that one day, I will not exist, and someone will have in their body, the same parts that were once in mine.


You should also check out
You may know him as half of the Pepper and Dylan show, and you may know him as a wonderful photographer.
Check him out, and follow him on twitter too!! @DylanWowchuk

Monday, October 4, 2010


I have some pretty cool stuff to share...

And here's a sneak peek!

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Days With My Father

Now that she's gone I realized I spent a lifetime resisting her influence, and now I miss it

This morning I cried so hard after coming across this story:

This story is of a man documenting the last few years with his father, through pictures. I got misty eyed just from the images, but once I read the story behind it, I couldn't help but break down.

It makes me think of my Gido, and how much I miss him, and how I know that the day I have to live in a world where he doesn't... will be my "forget how to breathe" moment.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Have some tissues ready. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Some Day You Will Be Old Enough To Start Reading Fairy Tales Again

We wetted each other's blouses and pushed our crying ahead of us like a lantern, searching out new and forgotten sadnesses, ones that had died politely years ago but in fact had not died, and came to life with a little water. We had loved people we really shouldn't have loved and then married other people in order to forget our impossible loves, or we had once called out hello into the cauldron of the world and then run away before anyone could respond.

Disney movies did not teach women to work hard towards a fulfilling career so that she could support herself financially and emotionally and be independent. In fact, maybe some of them taught the opposite.
"Listen to your father, Ariel"
"Whistle while you work, Snow White"
"Scrub the terrace, sweep the halls and the stairs, clean the chimneys. Do the mending and the sewing and the laundry... Cinderella"

Disney movies taught women that once they found their prince, their prince would fight their monsters and then they would live happily ever after.

Is this why there are women in the world that only care about getting married, settling down, and playing hosue? Is Disney to blame for the golddiggers?

Let's be realistic, how many of the Disney marriages do you think lasted?

Friday, October 1, 2010

Still Breathing

I felt like the air was multiplying, and I couldn't even think about what he said because I was so worried I wouldn't be able to keep up with the air. I tried to think of myself as a breathing machine. I told myself, you won't die from overbreathing, because you are a breathing machine, specially calibrated to adjust to the changing amounts of air in the room.

Can you believe it is October 1st?! I love new months. I think the first of every month should be a statutory holiday to celebrate and welcome in the new month.

It is getting colder, and sometimes I think that when I hold my breath I cannot feel. I convince myself that I'm not cold when its freezing outside, or I convince myself I'm not sad or anxious when something goes wrong.

Do you ever think of the worst possible thing that could happen in your life, and think that if it happened, you'd be so knocked off your feet that you'd forget how to breathe?

Maybe your worst fear has happened, and you already learned how to breathe again. Or maybe you're still holding your breath.

This morning I learned about a friend very close to my heart that went through breast cancer-- secretly. She let very few of her close loved ones in on her ordeal but mostly kept to herself and kept positive with treatments. Her tumors were benign and she went through the treatments and is now opening up about it, and I feel touched. She is an educator, in every aspect of life. She teaches others her theories in life, love, friendships, and careers, and now she is educating others on appreciating life, and not taking your health for granted. I'm so amazed because all this time, she has been so positive and happy and I had no idea what she was going through. I can't even imagine myself in a situation where your health is your biggest concern. To be honest, it was not one of my "forget how to breathe" moments, and perhaps I do take my health for granted, and perhaps I sweat the small stuff when I should just be happy and move on in life, considering the good things I have.

I'm going to try to stop holding my breath and just breathe through any obstacle life brings me.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

My Soul Mate

Thank you for the amazing response to yesterday's blog post. Within a few hours, my email inbox was flooded with emails and applications from all over the world.

...That's a total lie.

I woke up to the most amazing response to yesterday's blog post, posted on

Any further applications will have to be a lot more creative than this. I'm in love.

Ps, check her out at

Tonight I got home from work and did my usual check on @MarleyLynnG‘s blog, Bright Lights.

Today’s post was a little different than the rest. Today Marley called out for a soulmate… Now, I have never met Marley. I’ve followed her blog. I’ve tweeted her way. We Facebook. We offer support to each other. But have I ever met her? No.

Her post touched my heart and made me smile. [Seriously, this girl brings me such joy].

So in response to her blog post, I’m offering the following:

A Good Communicator?

Good Sense of Humor?

Enthusiasm for Life?

An Ambitious young lady?

Loyal Too?

Some P Action?

Hookups and Discounts?

Good Wardrobe to Borrow from?
[I think we're the same size too!]


PS – You would be silly not to have this girl in your life.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Casting Call

The following is something that should come naturally, so I'm putting it out to the universe, along with the internet that...:

I am taking applications for my soul mate best friend. If everyone has a soul mate-best friend, I haven't found mine yet. I've had the close friendships, and people I consider my best friends, but I'm looking for the best of the best friends I will ever have.

What I'm missing is a relationship like Meredith and Christina from Grey's Anatomy. You call each other all the time, you know everything there is to know about each other, and you have the same interests and personalities that just "click". You inspire and encourage, and your energies just feed off each other.

Good communicator
Good sense of humor
Enthusiasm for life
Professional and polite

And positives, but what is not required would be:
Hookups with sweet discounts
A great wardrobe that I can borrow from, or a good fashion sense that you can dress me- because I am lacking in that department.

Please inquire within.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Everything Happens For a Reason, and Often, It's A Good One

The first step to healing is to give in, not to be confused with giving up. Giving in involves accepting things as is and letting go of the resistance that brings pain, tension, anxiety, and fear. The difference between giving in and giving up is that "giving in" entails hope, faith, and confidence. No matter how horrible things may seem, they will in fact get better.

It happens to me every day. Maybe my alarm clock doesn't go off. I accidentally set it to PM instead of AM. I'm running late for school. There's no hot water in the shower. I forget my blackberry at home. I forgot to pack a lunch, or snacks-- and god forbid I forget my snacks!! Life doesn't go according to plan.

When things in life don't go according to "our plans," we begin to question where we went wrong and what we can do to change it. We have this constant need to be in control of our current circumstances. When life happens according to its own plan, it's a smack in the face. A reminder that we are not in control and are very much alive. What's "out there" isn't trying to ruin our lives. It's trying to save them.

If we learn to give into the lows as well as the highs, we'll begin to realize that everything happens for a reason, and often it's a good one.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Privilege Of A Lifetime Is Being Who You Are

"We don't know anything. We don't know how to cure a cold or what dogs are thinking. We do terrible things, we make wars, we kill people out of greed. So who are we to say how to love?"

While watching "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" the other day, I felt very touched when I heard the inspiring story of a husband and father who suffers from ALS, coaches and mentors at-risk teens, and opens his heart and home to others. While his health and body is deteriorating and his prognosis is not good, his family always has such a positive attitude towards life.

I was especially touched by the wife and mother of this family, who commented on how people have shown sympathy for this burden she has to carry-- To which she responded by saying:

"I love my husband so much. It's not a burden, it is a privilege to be able to walk through this journey with him"

Sunday, September 19, 2010

No One Belongs Here More Than You

No matter what he does, every person on earth plays a central role in the history of the world. And normally he doesn't know it

I spent an hour walking around a book store today and skimmed through so many books that I want to read. There are so many things I have to learn from them that I am not. So many books, so little time.

I feel this way about so much. So many cities, events, landscapes, sunsets, monuments, attractions... so little time.

There are so many people out there all over the world that I could be amazing friends with, and that I could learn and benefit from. If I'm supposedly linked to every single person in the world by six degrees, I want to meet that sixth degree. Six degrees is a lot of degrees if you think about it. Have they really met no one in the world not even one degree closer to me? Even with the inventions of internet, facebook, and twitter? We come from long lines of people destined never to meet.

While there is much to look forward to in life, there is much to go out of your way for.

Some things you may be lucky enough to have fall in your lap. Some you have to work for. So when you think life is boring because high school is over, or because you're getting older... It's all your choice. It's rare to feel high on life if you don't take chances and step out of your comfort zone every once in a while. Be dangerous.

Do you have doubts about life? Are you unsure if it is worth the trouble? Look at the sky: that is for you. Look at each person's face as you pass on the street: those faces are for you. And the street itself, and the ground under the street, and the ball of fire underneath the ground: all these things are for you. They are as much for you as they are for other people. Remember this when you wake up in the morning and think you have nothing. Stand up and face the east. Now praise the sky and praise the light within each person under the sky. It's okay to be unsure. But praise, praise, praise.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Take Your Medicine and Crawl Before You Walk

I feel like things are creeping up on me. Time is passing quickly and I'm trying to keep up with it.

This weekend I am filming a commercial with Dr. Scholl's, which has been in the works for months. Free product? I'm not sure, I'll keep you updated. Soon it will be October, and then it will be halloween, and then it will be my birthday, and then it will be Christmas (and this blog's one year anniversary), and then I will graduate and move to a new apartment. Then a new chapter of my life will open and I have no idea what it will consist of.

I am almost dreading Halloween. I'm not sure if I have ever had a good one in my adult life. Believe me, I would love it if my mom would still sew my costume herself and that I'd have a fun family celebration. I never know what to dress up as. Last year I think I left it until the last minute and ended up wandering around in scrubs, as a sort of nurse who was disappointed in herself for not working harder as a younger woman and achieving her dream of becoming a pirate or a gypsy. This year I will leave it all in my boyfriend's hands. ...That or, I will end up doing nothing but staying in on halloween, watching Walter Matthau movies while eating strawberries and nutella.

And then Christmas will be here, and a few days after Christmas, this blog's one year anniversary- and I do hope to still continue one post every single day for the rest of the year! I am also getting my wisdom teeth removed around Christmas time, so look forward to possibly some drug-influenced blog posts. Remember those from when I broke my wrist in May? Oh the memories.

In February I will be leaving my dream apartment to move to a more reasonably priced, but still a steal of a deal apartment on Yonge and Bloor. I'm so relieved to have my apartment plans all settled. I was getting so tired of searching.

I want apartment ads to tell stories, not just count rooms. Does the apartment inspire genius, cause people to fall in love, reveal secrets, or does it drive us insane?

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Let Love Write On You For A While.

You and I have choices we don't even know. But even if we could return to innocence, start from the beginning, still we must stare into the sun and want it. Chase the same sweet lines of a magnetic field that misleads us terribly sincerely wishing it were true

Where do you draw the line between loving, wanting, needing, and choosing?

I was reading about codependency and how our natural human need for each other, and love, and acceptance, can be seen as co-dependency. When you want to be with your best friend and lover forever, that's love, not co-dependency.

I had a dream last night about breaking up with an ex boyfriend, and going to his house to get all of my things. This dream actually reminded me of exactly how much of my things may still be there. I don't want them back. Just like you can lose your belongings in a break up, you lose much of yourself as well. You lose those pieces and other pieces take their place. Whether they are stronger characteristics, or maybe fears, something will take their place.

Maybe you grow from a break up. Maybe you develop fears that will affect future relationships. Unfortunately, it's those fears that will actually attract those negative things towards you. If you don't change your outlook and have expectations for the best, then you may still be attracting the same kind of bad relationship over and over again.

You know that phrase, "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened"...
I think I'm finally realizing how much I can actually relate to it. I've written in here before that break ups can be the worst time of your life, but after it's all over and done, I look back on it as one of the best times of my life. Yes, they're painful, yes, I'm really hard on myself while dealing with it, but the healing process is one that I wouldn't trade for anything. I don't wish anything bad upon my exes, I don't wish that I had never met them. I can't say that I could ever be friends with them again, but they were an important part of my life at one point, and always will be because of the growth I obtained from those experiences.

We really have to hammer it into our heads, that people don't change.

And I'm so glad, because I'm finally with someone that I never want him to change.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

10 Life Lessons For Young Women Today

"The Insanely Fabulous Girl's Guide To..."
Presents 10 life lessons for young women today:

1. You are at least ten times prettier than you think you are. That holds true no matter how pretty you already think you are! Don't believe me? Ask your mother/auntie/grannie if she thought she was pretty when she was twenty. She'll say no. Then find a photo of her at that age. See what I mean?

2. The only thing you should be faking is confidence. If you don't have it yet, pretend you do. In every new situation, pretend you're not nervous, pretend you're not afraid. After a few times doing this, the pretend part disappears.

3. Want to try something new like painting, skiing, running your own business? Go to the library and borrow ten different books on the subject. Skim through them all, find the ones that have the most vital information and study them. Then see number 2.

4. No matter how old you get, remember what it was like to be a nine-year old girl. Remember the feeling of freedom. If you've already forgotten, do a cartwheel. You can so still do one. Savior that feeling. Wake up with it every day. You'll stay young until the day you die.

5. Cut or potted flowers are never a waste of money. Because every time we glance at them, they remind us how much beauty there can be in the world.

6. Starting right this moment, whether you're twenty or sixty, you can change your finances around. Don't leave someone else completely in charge, whether it's your husband, partner, parents, or banker. Become financially savvy. Financial independence gives you the freedom to walk away from many bad situations. How do you know you're in bad situation? See number seven

7. If your stomach hurts and you haven't got a virus, you're in a bad situation. Before you know what it is, your stomach always does. Give yourself some time to ponder what it might be that's making your stomach hurt. Chances are you already do know, you just don't want to believe it, for some reason. You can ignore advice from your friends, even your own brain, but you can't ignore your stomach, because the stomach never lies. Oh, and by the way-drowning your stomach in alcohol won't make it stop telling you the truth, either.

8. When meeting someone new and he or she seems to be behaving like a jerk, show compassion first. If after you display your sincere compassion, they are still acting like that, walk away. If they follow you, call the police.

9. Wear sunscreen on your face, neck, and hands every day, winter and summer. I don't care how dark your skin naturally is. Wear it. You'll remember me when you look in the mirror at age fifty. Always keep in mind that Your body is directly connected to your spirit. Look after your body. Exercise, floss, and brush your teeth. Put nothing in your body that can permanently harm your spirit, including the wrong man.

10. And if you with a man and he's the right man.meaning your stomach doesn't hurt, he's smiling at you, he knows your name, he's not drunk, and neither are you-for godsakes, enjoy yourself. He is not at all thinking about how fat your thighs look.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Make Your Heart Beat As Fast As It Can, At Least Once A Day

I have to make sure my heart beats as fast as it can, at least once a day. I want exciting dreams and terrifying nightmares again. I want to be thrilled by a kiss and heartbroken again. Do something risky, break a bone. I'm restless

I wonder what the physiological differences are between your heart racing from vigorous exercise, or your heart racing from anxiety.

There are a lot of things in this world to be nervous about or afraid of. I often have to tell myself "this isn't one of them", and then convince myself to believe it.

Sometimes we can wake up in the morning after a night of anxiety and think: its not so bad. We can focus on negatives or positives, and I know its easier said than done but I bet there are 10 positives to every negative.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

"Know What You Want, and What In Your Life Is Worth Loving"

In Greek, there are four words for love:
Philia: love of friends
Eros: romantic or sexual love
Storge: sacrificial love, like love of parents
Agape: undiscourageable goodwill.

All four of these qualities should be at work in a relationship.

Why don't we have any other words for love in english? Maybe it would clear up some confusion. Everyone uses the word love, but how deeply they mean it, needs to be communicated. And then that communication can get misunderstood. Would more words prevent this? Or perhaps make it more difficult?

This morning I got together with my high school spanish teacher- someone I very much admire and want in my life for as long as possible.

Sometimes I learn more life lessons from my teachers outside the classroom. Things I've learned from her:
Don't get married young.
Always follow your dreams.
Demand good customer service, and take action until received.

She also just makes me feel so good about what I'm doing in my life, even though I'm always never really sure. Like today, she was so impressed and said: "Jumping out of planes and driving a standard car, what CAN'T you do?!"
And while it seems like praise that shouldn't be a big deal it all, it made me think- maybe I should be more enthusiastic about celebrating these small victories. Stop worrying about the big things that aren't reasonable right now. Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow cause it isn't here yet.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Make Time For Health, Or Make Time For Disease

I used to think that I was stuck. But that's not true. The world moves and I move with it.

I plan out a million things to do in my life because I'm never sure what will work or what I'll like best. Change is constant. I've never not had a time in my life that was the "same old, same old". I have my routines, but its become routine to add something new in the mix.

I'd like to be more present in the now. Ill be the first to admit that I often 10 steps ahead of myself

Everyone preaches how you should live in the present and enjoy every single moment and put 100% into everything

But then look at those people who are lecturing you on how to be a better person and see how much they listen to their own advice.

Fears and excuses often get in the way.

"Gayle" told me today, people that say they don't have time to do the things they should, are just saying that they haven't chosen to make the time.

Make the time! Who else will?!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Ideas Are Never The Problem

I think I'm going to call up a newspaper and be a columnist. Or write concert reviews. Or if I'm lucky, have an "ask Marley..." Column.

I think I will start a webseries. Or maybe I will try to do stand up comedy on an amature night at a comedy club.

I think I will write more short stories. And read more short stories. They always give me the inspiration and ideas.

I think I'm going to adopt a little sister. Or little brother- whatever. When I was a camp counselor, I LOVED the rare one on one time that I'd get with kids. They're such funny little people.

These are my ideas for the next year of my life. I always feel like I never know what to do with myself if I don't have a million things going on at once.

At the doctor's office this morning, he asked if I was an anxious person. I said no, but my mom quickly laughed and corrected me.

I'd call it enthusiasm and drive, but if you want to call it anxiety, that's just fine.

Monday, August 23, 2010

This Thing Between My Lungs Is Making Me So Tired

Something is not right.

Waking up this morning I should be energetic, happy to be home, excited for upcoming adventures in the next two weeks...

This morning I woke up. The room was spinning. I don't drink, fyi, so I promise you, I'm not intoxicated.

Its taking a lot of mental effort to get me out to do something. This is such a sad and strange feeling. Maybe all the "go, go, go" of the last year has caught up with me.

I just want to sleep and watch trashy tv like Teen Mom and Bachelor Pad and turn my brain to mush.

I'll be productive tomorrow, I promise.

(Does Jillian Walker have days like this?)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Your Nerves Gather With The Altitude

You commented on how I sometimes use a comma at the end of my sentences, instead of a period
And I told you that I guess it's because I'm not very good with goodbyes,

Boyfriend went home to Toronto again. I'm always so sad to say goodbye if I'm not the one leaving.
Now to plan the next two weeks in Edmonton, and get stuff on my to-do list done.
What can I do for two whole weeks?
Hang out with friends and family of course. Work. Work out every day. Perhaps do a road trip. Maybe go meet my friend Jillian Walker in person. I met her through twitter after she tweeted about reading my blog. I really want to meet her.
I've been having weird dreams since my skydiving experience, about me holding on to the parachute and letting go, falling to my death. And then I have dreams about sleeping alone in my basement-- which feels real, because I know that's where I am, and it feels like I am awake. Tonight I attempt sleeping in the basement alone. Night-light on standby.

Listen to this cover of Coldplay's Viva La Vida, done by Lady Gaga!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Ghost's Hour: Spook's Hour

Well, I did it. I jumped out of a plane at 12,500 feet!!!

Next up on conquering fears: My fear of the dark. I know, its pretty ridiculous.
My boyfriend and I have an air mattress set up at my parents' basement at the moment. (If you may recall, they knocked down my bedroom within 6 months of me moving.) Anyway, I'm terrified of my basement and I'm not sure where I'm going to sleep for the next two weeks after he goes home tomorrow.

Any advice for getting over a fear of the dark? Other than... "grow up, use a night-light, suck it up, etc." Seriously! I don't know what I'm afraid of. Ghosts? Intruders? The boogeymonster?

I guess when you're facing a fear, one of the best things to do is just jump right into it-- or out of it.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Be Dangerous... For Real This Time.

First off, I'd like to state that the night before last, I was flipping the channels and got caught on some sort of CSI show where they were investigating the death of a man whose skydiving experience went horribly wrong.

I also watched one too many youtube videos of skydiving experiences.

Skydiving was postponed due to the smoky weather from the BC forest fires. Therefore, if all goes well, I will be jumping out of a perfectly good plane with a parachute and a man who I will have briefly just met, strapped to my back.... tonight at 6:30.

I have appreciated your well wishes and inquiries of my health. Keep 'em comin.

And be dangerous.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Be Dangerous

Dear Readers,

Today, at 5:30pm I am jumping out of a perfectly good plane with a parachute and a man who I will have briefly just met, strapped to my back.

All should go well, and I will come back with a thrilling experience behind me, and a new perspective on life.

But in the case that I miss a blog post tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day... I'd just like to say thank you so much for the opportunity to write every day and express myself, and for people to read it too.

With lots of love,


Ps, be dangerous.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Angels Have No Philosophy But Love

What is being awake if not interpreting our dreams, or dreaming if not interpreting our wake?

Do you ever have those dreams that feel so real that it takes you a while realize it once you've woken up?

It happens. Sometimes I'll wake up from a nightmare and be scared that there's an intruder in my house. Sometimes if the radio or tv is on while I'm sleeping, what I hear will get mixed in with my dreams, and I'll wake up confused about reality.

This morning my boyfriend woke me up while searching for a spider. It took me a while to convince him that he was dreaming and there really wasn't a tarantula-sized spider in the room. It's a pretty amusing thing, but at the same time a very sweet thing, to calm down a grown man who is worked up from a bad dream.

It might seem obvious that we know our dreams from our waking life. If someone asks you how you can be sure, really sure, that you do not every morning fall asleep from the reality of flying through clouds and speaking with animals and cascading through time, to the dream life of going to school and doing the dishes and always seeing the same people again and again, you don't really have to argue with them. Or so it might seem.

Monday, August 16, 2010

When You Can't Go Back You Must Keep Moving Forward

There is an animal that can live forever! It is a beautiful, tiny kind of jellyfish called "Turritopsis Nutricula" and you know what? If they can do it, then maybe we can, too.

As you may have noticed, the blog has been COMPLETELY redesigned!!! Thanks a million to John! :)

I wrote a story about a musician always on the road, travelling through different time zones. But the watch on his wrist will always say what time it is at home. Every night, a different crowd and different sounds. The only thing constant is the complete unawareness of location and time. What a feeling: to wake up and not know if its late night or early morning. What a feeling: to wake up to voices from the other room and not recognize the accent. What a feeling: to wake up… to look at your watch and feel alone…

Sunday, August 15, 2010

"I Don't Think That There Are Any Limits To How Excellent We Could Make Life Seem."

Old peanuts collections have the best names ever. "Don't hassle me with your sighs, Chuck." and "Duck! Here comes another day." and "Kiss her, you blockhead." Charles Schulz taught people how to live.

Remember the LoveGivesMeHope blog post I wrote a few days ago?

The posts I read on gave me an idea to make my own notebook of memories and moments.

Its such a nice thing to keep memories written down to look back on. I guess thats a big thing about the blog too-- that I can write about anything and even if I don't get personal, I can remember exactly what I was feeling when I wrote those metaphors or quoted those lyrics. Although its different because it's open to absolutely anyone in the world to read-- people I know, people I don't know, people I used to know but have chosen to not know anymore. That's one thing that I'm not sure how comfortable I am about-- that I can come back to Edmonton and run into someone in a bar and try to catch up, but really, they've been reading the posts I've been writing every day for the last 8+ months and they already know. Not complaining-- I put it up here to be read, I love to connect with any of the readers.

Anyway, I'm making a notebook of memories. Just one liners or small paragraphs. Summaries of things that happened that made me feel good, or special, or loved.

Even the small things, like being surprised with your favorite cookie, or someone going out of their way to tell you something nice.

Make more effort to appreciate the small things

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Kiss No One But Me, Under The Apple Tree

"We could imagine all sorts of universes unlike this one, but this is the one that happened."

I'm home!!!

It's been an eventful 24 hours with arriving to Edmonton for the first time in 6 months, having my family meet my boyfriend, and seeing my grandparents again- who mean the world to me.

It was quite the special moment to be reunited with my grandparents. I should have been prepared with waterproof mascara. I'm pretty sure they are in love with John already because my Gido gave him a watch and wants to take pictures of us tomorrow.

My Gido has told us that he wants a picture of him shaking John's hand, of John carrying in vegetables from my grandparent's garden, and a picture of John and I kissing under their apple tree.

And he was crying while he told us this so of course I was quite the emotional mess as well.

Looking forward to tomorrow :D

Oh, and this is my mom's new office-- my old bedroom. They knocked down the wall and removed all of my stuff!
...Hate to admit, it looks pretty nice (ignore the terrible blackberry camera quality...and John pretending to be on the phone haha)

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Slow Dancing In A Burning Room

Do you ever find yourself lying in bed next to the one you love and think....
"I could punch them square in the face right now".

Why is that the first thought after "Aww, look how peaceful they are"?


I went to the John Mayer concert yesterday. I was surprised. He played everything I wanted to hear and more. And he taught me that loneliness is all in your head. Your mind does the most F*ed up things when you're lonely. Or when you think you're lonely. Me acknowledging this won't prevent me from being lonely ever again. It's one of the worst, but most common emotions. You can experience several different degrees of it several times a day.

I saw lots of re-posts yesterday of yesterday's blog, so I take it that you enjoyed the video. Sweet :)
Enjoy this one... I sure do ;)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

I Dare You Not To Cry

The emotional blog posts are not stopping here.

I saw this video yesterday with the title: "I Dare you not to cry"
...I didn't last 10 seconds, and its 10 minutes long and I cried through the whole thing.