Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Get wise, turn ugly, break promises, start fires

This just in... Did you know JK Rowling is wealthier than the Queen of England?!

Another thing about being back in Toronto is the amount of text messages I get between the hours of 12 and 3 am from friends telling me to go to bed. They are very thoughtful and caring about my constant lack of sleep. I had a headache all night last night, which kept me up. I tried to cure this with wine. I have this theory that a glass of wine can cure anything. A cold, heartache, insomnia, writer's block...

Do you believe in psychics? I went to a psychic a couple times who told me some crazy stuff. I don't think I'll share it here though, that's probably too personal. My future husband could be reading this! You can't tamper with that kind of stuff, right?
What about Horoscopes? It's cool to read horoscopes once in a while. I also find myself reading other people's horoscopes... Whoever I happen to be thinking of that day.One time I read my friend Dylan's horoscope to him and it said something about watching out for cars.. The next day he got in a car accident. He doesn't let me read his horoscope anymore. True story

Today I read your horoscope. Yes, you. Here it is:

"Today is a good day to just start over. Be wary of saving too much money, cause disaster could strike at any time, and I'm pretty sure heaven is just you sitting there wishing you bought an xbox cause it turns out you can take it with you, but there's nothing to buy in the great beyond. Be on the lookout for a new love! Everyone has kisses. Who is going to slip one into your pocket when you aren't looking? Your lucky numbers this week are: 1,2,3 all the way up to infinity.
I'm just saying, shit is going to go good for you."

Did you watch the Bachelor yesterday? Hey guys, you can watch this too. I know for a fact, because I watched the whole last season with a male friend. Hottie bachelor and pilot Jake Pavelka was my favorite and won me over when I saw him and Jillian on last season's Bachelorette. What won me over was the way he looked at her and how he just kissed her, interrupting her in the middle of her sentence. So romantic guys, take notes from this one.
Some of the girls on this show, however, made me want to throw up with their first impressions:
"How does it feel that you're talking to your future wife right now?" -- too strong
"Got your nose! Just kidding, I just wanted to make you laugh." -- how old are you?
"Can I feel your biceps? Do you have these guns registered?" --... lame.
"You better put on your seatbelt" *awkward... reeeally awkward pause* "Cause its gonna be a bumpy ride" --like I said, awkward.
"blahblahblahasdfa!@^!@#^" (something in Cambodian) which translated to "Jake, you can land your plane in my landing strip anytime" --... puke.

Today's Entertainment News:
  • Simpsons are about to present their 450th episode!
  • The pictures that surfaced of Elin, Tiger's wife, wearing her wedding ring were nothing to freak out over. Don't be fooled by the rocks that she's got. Turns out, the pictures were of ELIN'S TWIN SISTER Josephine and HER wedding ring.
  • Rihanna has a new boyfriend. Matt Kemp, from the LA Dodgers. Well done, RiRi.
  • Casey Johnson died. Who is she? I had to google this one myself. Her parents are rich and famous and that makes her a Hollywood socialite as well. Also, she is.. was(?)... Tila Tequila's fiance (who, in other news, is being a surrogate mother for her brother at the moment)
  • Ke$ha's album came out today. With the amazing success of "tik tok", the album will probably do very well!
  • SPOILER for Bachelor fans... The scandal I mentioned before: One of the producers had a relationship with one of the female contestants. SO unprofessional.
  • Vince Vaughn got married to his Canadian sweetheart!!! She's a real estate agent named Kyla Weber, from Okotoks, Alberta!! I wonder how they met.
  • Selena Gomez and Nick jonas are rumored to be back together. Woopdeedoo.
  • Bono wrote as a Guest Columnist in the New York Times in an article called Ten For The Next Ten . I don't care what anyone says, I love this man and his music and his passion. Hey, remember that time I hung out with Bono in his car?
  • Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson spent New year's Eve together. Hm, are they or aren't they a couple?
  • Lil Wayne's album postponed AGAIN to the summer. Some stores have already been advertising the release for January 2nd and some copies of the CD were accidentally sent to customers through Amazon last night, which then leaked online. Either way, when the album drops in the summer, Weezy will be in jail for weapon possession.
  • Sandra Bullock's "The Blind Side" is the first film with a female lead to hit the $200 million mark at the box office. True story, when I was about 4, I used to tell people that she was my mom. Don't ask why, I don't even know.
  • Betty White is going to receive a Lifetime Achievement award at the SAG's
  • Charlie Sheen returned to the set of "Two and a Half Men" after his arrest on Christmas day. He has a history of incidents with women from his past. In 1990 he "accidentally" shot his then fiance, Kelly Preston. They broke up shortly after and now she is married to John Travolta. Good decision, Kelly. Also, Rumored to have violently threatened his ex wife Denise Richards throughout their 5 year marriage 
Okay, now this is just freakin sweet. Lady Gaga Barbies!!!