Sunday, January 10, 2010

The More I Found, The Less I Understood.

There are a lot of people with opinions about who and what you are, what you have the right to write or draw, or play, or do, and how you should be allowed to do it. There are a lot of people who think they know you, who think that what they think of you is more important than what you are, who don't care anything at all about you except for what they see on you that pleases, annoys, inspires, angers, offends, worries, excites, or moves them. You do not owe them a thing, and least of all, an explanation.

Today is a very exciting day and I'll tell you why... tomorrow. I didn't sleep last night. I've been relaying the same words over and over in my head, imagining the moment I get to say them. I've been allowing my imagination to run wild and I've been trying to grasp on to moments that I know will inevitably slip away from me with time. I so desperately do not want to lose them. I can only hold on to the things I want to lose. I've recently learned about myself that there are things that I have completely blocked out from my memory. I realize this when my mother brings up something from my past and I have no recollection of it. It sounds familiar, but I can only imagine that it happened in another life- although it did, in fact, happen in this one.

When people get married and their marriage lasts and lasts and lasts, does that mean they just never get to experience heartbreak again? What a sad thought.
EDIT: What I mean by this, is a different kind of heartbreak comes into effect. Something I don't know of yet and the unknown is scary.

I feel something coming on. The same way you feel a cold or flu creeping up on you... something's creepin' up. I don't know what. Something big. I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Today's Entertainment News
  • Hasselhoff out, Mandel in: Howie Mandel is set to take over David Hasselhoff's spot on the judging panel for America's Got Talent -wait, isn't Howie Mandel Canadian? This isn't an issue?
  • Backstreet boy AJ McLean proposed to his girlfriend on stage during a concert on friday, which also happened to be his 32nd birthday.
  • Fergie and Josh renewed their vows in Miami this weekend... Um why? Didn't they just get married like a year ago? It seems like they're trying to show a lot of PDA after the Josh being accused of sleeping with a stripper incident. 
  • Wanda Sykes broke her foot during production of her show on thursday night.
  • Today: 1/10/10. a binary number. Tomorrow: 1/11/10. Also binary. No more binaries for 100 years


  1. Wipe that sad thought away... Marriages that last do not block the heart from other things in the world that may break it. But gives you someone that can help mend it!

  2. Oh heck I'm not saying marriages that last are bad. I wouldn't get married unless I thought it would last and I was madly in love with the person. That just means that our heartbreak comes from somewhere else which is something foreign and scary to me.

  3. In regards to the last paragraph before the entertainment news; That's what she said.

  4. Thanks Matt, I would have called it myself if I hadn't vowed not to use that phrase for a whole week.

  5. lauren Girrrrrrrrl ;)January 10, 2010 at 6:06 PM

    i like your opening paragraph. it reminds me of some of my friends, the ones not included in my mind when i say my "cool" friends haha. its hard to like people and know that for them, its more complicated than that. i dont like conditional relationships.
    ps the keanu reeves thing made me laugh out loud..
    and brad told me yesterday he thinks youre a really good writer. i definitely agree. thought you'd like to know, cutie.

  6. Conditional relationships... thats an interesting concept.
    Aw thank you for telling me that! That means a lot to me!