Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Nothing Lasts Forever, No Matter How It Feels Today

"love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything."

I've read quotes and poems and novels and short stories that all read something along the same lines of "don't make someone your everything, because if you lose them you have nothing". It's so easy to seek happiness in others when the initial meeting gives you butterflies and warmth, and of course we're human beings and we're selfish and needy and we want that feeling to last and last forever. But keep in mind, it won't. After a certain period of time it requires effort. I had a hard time understanding what people meant when they said "relationships take work". It was always an effort I wanted to make.

I was recently given the challenge to date myself. For the month of May -- or as he called it, the "Month of Marley", I'm going to take myself out on dates twice a week. Non-negotiable, quality time with myself. I'm looking forward to it.

Will I be nervous on the first date? Will I encounter awkward silences followed by nervous laughs? Perhaps I'll buy myself flowers. Is that too tacky? Do I offer to pay the bill? (obviously). How many dates till we get intimate?

These dates are going to be special. I spend quality time with myself every day, but these dates will be different. I'm going to do things for myself and take myself out with the intention of getting to know myself better and finding what truly makes me happy. I'm going to take myself out to special places, and it's going to be wonderful.

Everything that bespeaks a fabulous attitude comes from a sense of self-worth and self-admiration. It is the gravitational pull that moves interesting and exciting people into your life. Fabulous lovers are not born, they’re made. A fabulous lover must have a love of life, a joie de vivre, an exuberance, passion and intensity that sends rockets into the air. They care about everything because everything matters. Forget “whatever.” If your lover is still using that word, give him a heads up: “We’re not in Kansas anymore!”

Fabulous lovers are happy people. The reason they’re happy is because they are listening to the best radio station in the world (no, not Pandora). They’re listening to an endless loop of self-affirming commentary that makes them feel as though they can take on the world.

Change the inner radio and outer broadcast to Rapport Vs. Report. This means listening with a deep need to understand, to offer solace, compassion and warmth, rather than just hearing the news of the day. Try to communicate in a way that encourages rapport between yours and your lover’s dreams and aspirations.

Women on the fence: On being a fabulous lover.
Exactly what I needed to read today.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I Don't Need A Telescope To See That There's Hope. And That Makes Me Feel Brave

Sometimes I believe I am brave. I believe that what I want and what I deserve will align and I believe that the power of the universe will send me just what I need just when I need it- whether it is strength or a person or just a meaningful line in a song or a book.

I've been thinking long and hard lately about appreciation and gratefulness. I have no conclusions to report, just an announcement that I have been thinking. Sometimes I think so much I get dizzy. Sometimes I think so much that I experience this strange chemical reaction of a saline liquid from my brain leaking through my eyes. Its almost betraying how much power your mind has over the rest of your body. Tears, appetite, energy.

While on that topic, I have also been thinking about needing vs wanting. Again, no conclusions to report.

Maybe in the future they will make medication for a quick fix of emotions you don't want to feel. Or better yet, plug yourself in and download an update to make yourself feel better. Heartbroken? Anxiety? That's a nasty bug. This may take a few minutes, but after a quick installation and reboot you'll be good as new.

But where's the fun in that?

Extremely Loud.

I went to a tattoo parlor and had YES written onto the palm of my left hand, and NO onto my right palm, what can I say, it hasn't made my life wonderful, its made life possible, when I rub my hands against each other in the middle of winter I am warming myself with the friction of YES and NO, when I clap my hands I am showing my appreciation through the uniting and parting of YES and NO, I signify "book" by peeling open my hands, every book, for me, is the balance of YES and NO, even this one, my last one, especially this one. Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world, it wasn't the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don't know, but it's so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it

Monday, April 25, 2011

Wishes That You Knew When I Said Two Sugars, I Actually Meant Three.

I am inspired to write for all the wrong reasons. One should probably be taken more seriously when they are writing more and dreaming less.

We always wonder if the grass is greener on the other side. We can choose to pursue other lawns, or continue fertilizing our own, until we're so full of shit and it's stuck to our shoes.

“I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms "visiting hours" don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself”

Monday, April 11, 2011


I figure if you were like,
walking along, and it was raining, and the wind was blowing in your face, and you stepped in a puddle, and your girlfriend dumped you, and you just got in a fight and lost, you'd probably be having a pretty bad day.

But then if like, the next day, you got up and it was sunny and bright and everything was looking up, but then you went outside and your legs got chopped off by a helicopter... that'd probably be a worse day,

Or you could be this guy:

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Brevity Is The Stamp Of Beauty

I read this poem on the subway. I love the feeling of falling in love with words. It's like a summer romance that leaves warm memories but didn't end in heartbreak because you knew it wouldn't last and there would always be another...

I take my Anna everywhere.
She is so beautiful she can break
a man's heart with a look,
the proud thrust of her shoulder.

She tells me she will die young.
I tell her all beautiful women have the same
premonition. Brevity is the stamp
of beauty, sealing it in the mouths of men.

I take my Anna everywhere.
She has the unpitying gaze of a goddess.
All the men who see her
want to live their wrecked lives forever.