Thursday, January 17, 2013

“A Part Of Kindness Consists In Loving People More Than They Deserve.”

When I am impatient, I know it's because I don't want to take the time to learn the lesson at hand. I want it done now. Or as I once heard: Instant gratification is not soon enough. There is always something to know. Patience is being at peace with the process of life, knowing that everything happens in the perfect time/space sequence. I'm not having completion now, then there is something more for me to know or do. Being impatient doesn't speed up the process; it only wastes time. So breathe, go within, and ask: "What is it I need to know?" Then patiently wait to receive the help that is all around you.

Affirm: All is well. I have everything I need now.
Louise Hay


My car is an instrument of The Universe.

It’s my place of reflection. My place to sing or cry my heart out in safety. My little sanctuary on wheels. I’ve noticed and really acknowledged lately that everything is a mirror for what I need to recognize in myself. Everything.

My relationships with others - their attitudes being a reflection of something going on within myself. A quick judgement of their self and an even quicker realization that what I recognize in them is actually something in me.
My body signals - for example, my recurrent throat issues. Sore throat. Strep throat. Laryngitis. Bronchitis. And as I’m sure you can agree… ain’t nobody got time for that. My body is pointing out my need for expression.
My car mechanisms. 

Two days before I moved from Toronto back to Edmonton, I was offered a job. An amazing job. A travel-the-world-and-meet-incredible-people job. Voice inside said “this is a test”. The whole 5 hours on the plane to Edmonton and about three weeks following, were overflowing with anxiety. Am I staying or going? To be completely honest, I had no idea what I was going to do in Edmonton. I blindly followed my intuition back home, knowing I'd be provided for once I planted my feet. Apparently my little vehicle recognized and reflected the struggle. It was in perfect working condition, just checked and inspected in top shape. Within two weeks, things started to go. First, my signals. My windshield washer pump. The locks on the driver door, followed by the locks on the passenger door.

My signals wouldn’t turn on at all. Just as I didn’t know if I was staying or going, I couldn’t tell people on the road along my path which direction I was going. Staying in Edmonton, or returning to Toronto. I waited it out. I did the inner work. I calmed down and allowed opportunities to come. After three weeks, my dream job opportunity appeared miraculously in front of me and shortly after I accepted the position… boom. They started working again. Such a relief, because I was not prepared to spend the $1400 to fix it.

My broken windshield washer pump meant that I couldn't clear my windshield. If things got messy, the washer fluid would sputter out, not even close to hitting the screen. I couldn't always see clearly ahead of me on my path. Or perhaps there were things I was not seeing or not willing to see.
Next, my locks. I had to unlock the passenger door with the key first before I could walk around to the driver door and let myself in. Really going out of my way to let myself into my own vehicle. Sometimes the driver door still wouldn't work and I'd have to crawl through the passenger door to get in. Annoying. And not ideal. I locked myself in and out of my car occasionally. Security. Safety. Not letting anyone in, including myself. This was happening at the same time that I was testing the waters of the dating pool. I've met truly great guys, absolute gentlemen. But it didn't feel right. I wasn't fully present. This was also around the same time that I admitted to myself that I had been denying my grieving process when I lost my cousin and best friend. I think it was the day after I had acknowledged my grief and that I wasn't in a position to date, that a mechanic friend contacted me and fixed all of my car problems. In addition he installed remote locks for free! Bonus! The Universe delivered bigger and better :)

A belief system I newly hold is that I can solve all of my problems with inner work. I don’t need to say a thing. An obstacle is presented and I believe it’s possible to overcome it without saying a word. Sometimes it’s the inner dialogue that is necessary to remove blockages and fix your flow. Not always the case, but it definitely helps to develop the path of least resistance.

This past weekend I was heading out to a friend’s place. I had been struggling with a personal decision for a long time and asking the Universe for a sign. As I mentioned, my car is often my sanctuary on wheels. If I’m not singing my heart out, sometimes the music is completely off and I drive around, talking things out.
Give me a sign. Tell me what to do.
Boom. My signal breaks again. It had been months of it working despite not having a mechanic touching it, and in that same moment I asked for a sign, my left signal broke. This time I could still use the signals, but my left one was constantly on. I said out loud “What the heck does that mean? If this is a sign, show me another one”. Seconds later the signal started to work again. And my iPod on shuffle started to play my meditation tracks one after another. On shuffle. With 300+ songs. I kept flipping through them. I got through almost 10 tracks in a row of meditation tracks until it went back to a song. It landed on “Again – NeedToBreathe”. Asking for more, I went to the next song “Last Straw- Jack’s Mannequin”. Songs that confirmed that I needed to take action by stepping away. My closest friends know that I often ask my iPod to show me a song that will give me a sign or advice towards a certain issue. I love you, friends, who ask what my song of the day is J.

So here I am, certain I’m communicating with a higher source right now. I expressed thanks and gratitude for being present and acknowledged the signs but… my left signal gets stuck again. And stayed stuck on left for 3 days. I'm certain that this problem remained because it knew that just giving me a sign wouldn't do it, I needed the constant reminder to actually take action: “Do the RIGHT thing”.

On Sunday night I got down to it. I reluctantly confronted a symbolical mirror I needed to break. An issue I saw in someone else that revealed itself to me as being an issue in myself. It sucked. I cried. I yelled. I ached. And the healing process began. Monday morning on my way to work. Boom. My signal lovingly said “thanks for your time!” and started working again. So thanks Universe. I get it.

Song of the day: Wicked Games - The Weekend

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