Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Everything Has Changed And Yet, I Am More Me Than I've Ever Been

Not everyone is okay with living like an open wound. But the thing about open wounds is that, well, you aren’t ignoring it, you're healing, the fresh air can get to it. It’s honest. You aren’t hiding who you are. You aren’t rotting. People can give you advice on how to heal without scarring badly. But on the other hand there are some people who’ll feel uncomfortable around you. Some will even point and laugh. But we all have wounds. Anyway. I guess what I’m saying is that, I’m grateful.


I'm not sure if I woke up on the right side of the bed today. I've been experiencing a small series of nightmares and the one this morning had me scream myself awake. Let me tell you, waking up to your own scream is not the best alarm clock.

Lately my nightmares have been based on my fears of things I do not want to happen. I accept that it's almost a good thing that my subconscious is putting me through living my fears in dreams so that I would know what it would feel like. In addition, giving me the ability to experience it in dreamworld and know that I can overcome it.

Fear works for you, in a way. It can work in your favor. It makes you acknowledge your issues and overcome them. The Universe uses them to point out your belief systems.

Do I believe that I am worthy? Or do I believe that I don't deserve this job, relationship, opportunity, etc? If I trust that I am worthy of all good that comes my way, the flow of good things will continue. If I send mixed signals, the results will be mixed as well. The stress can pile up. Stress is the alarm clock that wakes you up and says "this isn't where you are supposed to be". If God created his Universe with word ("let there be light") I can too with my thoughts and beliefs.

I believe that I can solve my problems with inner work.
I believe that progress happens fast for me
I believe that opportunities come to me easily and frequently.
I believe that I always have more than enough.
I believe that people naturally feel very comfortable around me and open up to me with ease, inspiring deep conversations and mutual growth.
I believe that the people in my life love and support me unconditionally and always have my best interest at heart.

How easy it is to forget this though, when life gets in the way. I get in my own way quite often -- I'm a work in progress. It's the I can't do this thoughts that shut down everything I just stated that I believe in. There's a lot of freedom letting go of your fears or need to control; trusting that things will fall into place effortlessly when you get out of the way.

If I can't trust others I can trust myself. If I can't trust myself, I can trust The Universe.

I guess it's those jolt-out-of-bed-in-a-sweaty-panic moments that make you realize this.

You are far too smart to be the only thing standing in your way
When you realize how perfect everything is,
you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky
Song Of The Day
Porcelain - Mariana's Trench

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