Tuesday, January 29, 2013

If You Understood The Extraordinary Gifts Every Challenge Makes Possible, You’d Celebrate Them As Omens Of New Beginnings.

Sometimes, when it seems your wings have suddenly been clipped, maybe there’s more to learn by staying where you are. Maybe not. You decide.

Friday in the middle of the night I woke up in a panic, and searched frantically through my bed for my eye mask. I was half asleep and worried about not being able to find it because I kept thinking to myself "I can't sleep without it!"

Minutes later after I had woken up a little more, I stopped searching and realized:
...I haven't slept with an eye mask for months. I don't need it.

It was a strange flashback to experience in the middle of the night. It's true that I used to be dependent on it. I could not sleep without it. My eyes had to be covered by this mask. And it had to be this mask.

I had formed a fear of the dark over a year ago while dealing with a death. For the first few days after the news came, I didn't sleep until the sun came up. The night felt too eerie. Then the first month or so I slept with full lights on. Then for next two months after, I slept with a lamp or night light. I feared the dark because things felt more sensitive when I couldn't see everything around me. I slept with the mask because although I was scared of the dark, I have trouble sleeping unless it's dark. I left the lights on and if I woke up scared, I could easily pull off the mask quickly and be able to see everything around me. I eventually acknowledged how irrational this fear was and I faced it. I embraced the dark again, but I still slept with the sleep mask for another year and gradually worked my way out of needing it.

I laughed in that moment when I realized I had been looking for something I didn't need anymore, nor did I even want anymore.

In this moment that I had been brought to remember my past fear - only to discover that it's a fear I've long let go of - I asked: What other irrational fears do I hold on to? What other irrational fears are coming to the surface at the most irrational times? What are the elements attached to these fears that I don't need anymore? Or even want?

Fear of the dark - being attached to a sleep mask.
Fear of being wrong - being attached to being right, taking away from potentially valuable lessons and growth experiences.
Fear of losing important people in my life  - being attached to people that may not be meant to stay, taking away from potentially valuable people meant to come into my life
Fear of not being worthy - attached to need for approval.

And when I compile the list like that with the elements attached, it seems so obvious. Let go. There's so much freedom in not being attached to outcome. The weight lifts instantly. Trust.

Worthiness has been a big topic of thoughts and discussion lately and we could all use the reminder: your worthiness is never in question. You will always have everything you deserve, and you decide what you deserve. I blogged this before and I'll blog it again: It's scary to jump off a cliff. But life is also scary even if you don't jump of a cliff once in a while. You have to get out of your comfort zone to reach a higher level of comfort. Think bigger - you deserve luxury. There will always be another cliff.

Of course it's hard at first. You're going where you've never gone.
My note from the universe:

Believe me, I know all about it. I know the stress. I know the frustration. I know the temptations of time and space. Marley, we worked this out ahead of time. They're part of the plan. We knew this stuff might happen. Actually, you insisted they be triggered whenever you were ready to begin thinking thoughts you've never thought before.

Good on you,
    The Universe
Song of the day: Pieces- Sum41

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