Monday, January 21, 2013

“You Don’t Get To Choose If You Get Hurt In This World But You Do Have A Say In Who Hurts You.”

“He was silent for thirty seconds, maybe a minute. I uncrossed my legs under the table and wondered if this was the right moment to leave. It was as if my whole life revolved around trying to judge the right point in a conversation to say goodbye.”

Who gets your pillow talk? 

Your most honest and revealing conversations. The last words before sleep, or first ones in the morning while returning from the dream world. In those intimate moments, the most honest things can be expressed. 

As I shed my clothes from the day now behind me, I shed my layers with them. I shed my encounters with loved ones and strangers I met that day, my shared laughs, my real emotions. As I lay my head on the pillow that supports me and I cover my body in the blanket that protects me, embracing that feeling of warmth and security... truer words have never been spoken.

I'd sacrifice sleep for pillow talk. Give me a dose of your truth. Show me what's real. I can rest easy on the trust between two hearts, two mouths, and two overactive, perhaps over-sensitive imaginations.

Maybe we talked all day. Text, Calls, Facetime, Email, Twitter, Carrier Pigeon, Smoke Signals; it's possible to be connected in every moment and still at the end of the night we haven't had enough. Maybe it's just the sound of the other person's silence. Silence of understanding, interest, intrigue, comfort in just knowing you're there.

But I haven't been there. I haven't been there for you. I haven't asked how you've been. How your day went. What you had for lunch. What your first song was today when you turned on the radio and why you think "x" lyric resonates with your life. What you think about how when I asked for a sign that I heard your last name three times in one day. And how when I asked for another sign, someone unrelated to you but with your last name contacted me to ask me for a sign. True story. I haven't given away my pillow talk for a while now. I sacrificed my pillow talk for sleep. I sacrificed you for the ability to put my hand back on my heart and say "this is what's important". And say "this is not love".

I don't know how long I can do this, she said. I think The Universe has different plans for me. And we sat there in silence and I thought to myself that this is the thing we all come to and this is the thing we all fight and if we are lucky enough to lose, our lives become beautiful with mystery again. And I sat there in silence because that is not something that can be said.

song of the day: Give Me Love: Ed Sheeran

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