Saturday, May 30, 2020

I'm never giving up but I'm always letting go.

I know this is pivotal.

I know this is temporary.

I know all this pain transmutes into transformation.

I know this transformation is bringing forth the next level of Marley that is so necessary.

So many people need and love me. So few know how much pain I am in.

I feel selfish to admit this pain because I feel like I'm supposed to be stronger than this and that I should be moving through this grief faster.

I'm committed to doing this the right way. To really clear it all out and not just find a bandaid or a distraction to fill the void.

I'm not stuffing the mess under the bed. I'm looking at every piece of the clutter, examining it for what it is.

Some days it feels like major surgery.

Every day it feels like I break myself open to dig out the rot with my own hands.

I'm never giving up but I'm always letting go.

I have books upon books upon books. They tell me who I am and what I'm doing and prescribe a solution.

I suppose I shouldn't expect a magic pill.

Anything worth having does not come easy.

This transformation is going to be huge.

And damn it, I'm going to earn it.